For Me, Mother’s Day Is Depressing
I thought when I became a mom 18 years ago, that when Mother’s day arrived my kids’ dad would buy me flowers, write a nice card and make sure every year our children bought me something.
I didn’t think it would be a day where I routinely cried, the ex would find a reason to be mad at me and after we were no longer living together the children would continue what he started.
Those of us that have or had a narcissist in our life know that they can’t let us enjoy holidays. If it’s not about them, forget it, the day must be ruined.
The worst he ever did to me, was on our family trip to Japan, it was our last big trip. On Christmas morning, there wasn’t a single present for me. I had gifts for everyone. I sat there and watched the kids open gifts from Santa and myself and he had presents, of course. The children saw that I had nothing and he said that he thought he would buy something in Japan but he didn’t. What a way to show our children that their mother didn’t matter. They were 7and 10 at the time.
I remember the first disappointment of Mother’s Day, I think it was my first one. He didn’t buy anything and when I expressed disappointment, he was angry and said that I wasn’t his mother. I’m not sure how a baby is supposed to buy me a gift.
We used to see his mother for brunch with his brothers, their wives and their children, where I made sure she had nice flowers and a card from our two children. We would visit my mother and brought the same. Sometimes his mother and mine would give me flowers as well.
He on the other hand, made sure that I was upset every Mother’s Day. From buying me nothing, to not taking the children out to get me anything, to getting angry if I expressed feelings about how I felt. One year, he did stop the truck beside a corner store and I watched our children buy some carnations. I hate carnations, but it was something.
I did try to speak to him about it when things were calm on a different day as I always made a point to celebrate Father’s Day. I was told that I didn’t deserve it, I wasn’t nice enough, if I didn’t get so angry about it he would have done something. That my tears were fake, for attention.
I wasn’t angry, anger is his favourite emotion, not mine. I was sad.
I was also told that I should be happy that I get to stay home and not work. Isn’t that good enough? What more do I want? Besides, he isn’t getting enough of what he wants; I think you know what he was referring to.
Once, the kids and I were living without him, I mistakenly thought I would be magically appreciated. Initially, I was excited thinking that now that he’s gone our house would be calm and holidays would be fun. Ha!
They were mad because I couldn’t take it anymore, he was and is saying horrible things about me and our financial lifestyle is 10% of what it used to be. He is living like a king and we are paupers.
So, the tradition continues. When they were little, I received cards and gifts from their elementary school and then things dried up. Some years, I will buy myself little gifts, like the mug in the picture and make plans or order take out and other years I won’t do anything.
I rarely hear Happy Mother’s Day and I don’t receive anything. I would be happy with any acknowledgement. It’s not about gifts or restaurants, it’s about feeling appreciated. I am not about to force my kids to say or do something nice as that defeats the purpose.
Every year I still cry as the old memories flood back and the new ones are made.
I’m trying to think of a new tradition to get me out of this funk every year. I hope one will come to me so he doesn’t win Mother’s Day in the end.
Thank you for reading
