Hello, I hear you and understand what you are saying and why you feel like you do. But, as a student support worker we are trained not to hug students or allow them to sit on our laps. The reasons for this are twofold.

One, we don’t want to set up a student for not having personal boundaries. When a child is atypical it is hard to teach them that hugging or sitting on our lap is ok but it is not ok with a stranger or someone who does not have good intentions. If we model what is appropriate with people who are not your family members it makes it easier for them to say no and to avoid situations outside of school. There is a very old video by David Hinsburger who talks about The Ethics of Touch that changed the way I view physical affection between teachers and students. There are several different ways to express affection that do not involve a hug and can still make a student feel cared about.

The second reason has to do with Circles Program which can be quite helpful for students with exceptionalities. The Circles Program explains to students what type of affection is ok based on how close they are to your personal circle. For example: purple is themselves, blue is their immediate family, green is close friends, etc. A lot of schools teach this program which explain what type of touch is ok and what type of touch is not depending on where they are in your circle.

I am not trying to upset you I just want to explain why educators don’t usually use physical affection with their students. There are still several educators that do allow their students on their laps and hug them. For me personally, I want to do everything to protect my students and help prevent their vulnerability being taken advantage of. I like to make connections and show affection through other methods such as verbal praise, high fives, preferred activities, conversations about their interests, highlighting their strengths and being a positive person in their life.