I love how clearly you have broken down what abusers do. I remember when my ex refused to insure my car (it was in his name so I couldn’t do it) and a very good friend called him to hear his side of the story. The kids and I had no reliable transportation for weeks. I was confused because I didn’t see how I could be viewed as partly responsible. She ended up apologizing profusely to me afterwards. He went through the steps you mentioned with her and tried to make himself look like the victim. She had never seen that side of him before. She thought she could reason with him but luckily once she saw that side of him she never unsaw it again. My ex follows the pattern you wrote about almost every time something happens he doesn’t like.